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Jun
01

Anxiety

My oh my, I came *this* close to calling the whole thing off, staying put in my hometown, and applying for nursing schools around here (which therefore meant taking more classes since nursing schools everywhere can’t get their collective acts together and coordinate prerequisites). Given what a hellish year it has been for me, I know exactly why and how this brief panic attack came about. For a few days there, I gave serious consideration to never leaving this area again, even discussing pros and cons with my boss over drinks and strategizing about how I could turn my job into something more long-term.

The bad news is, the anxious thoughts aren’t all the way gone. The pretty nails that I had ceased biting two months ago are again nibbled down to my fingertips and I am continuing to have some trippy dreams about my life to come. Picture an apartment building full of frat boys and a swim up pool bar, a garage apartment shared with 8 America’s Next Top Model wannabes, and a robotic maid. Alrighty then….

But the good news prevails. I CAN do this. Despite the hellish few years during which I emotionally ate my way into the danger zone of obesity and pre-diabetes, despite losing my father, despite a divorce that gets uglier every day, despite knowing I am about to be in debt up to my ears (damn private school tuition), and despite missing my loved ones at home dearly, I am strong and healthy enough to do this. I have emerged into 2008 in better shape, closer to my family, more prepared (and super excited to be a nurse), and madly in love with a man who supports my dreams 100%, even if it means up to four years of commuting back and forth for time together. All in all, I’m still blessed and knowing that makes all the difference.

I may be nervous about this adventure to come, but I’ve never said “no” to adventure. I’m ready. Bring it on.

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