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Jan
17

Naysayer Nurse

One of the unfortunate side effects of four consecutive years in nursing school has been a palpable increase in my own negativity. I’ve always been a – shall we say – passionate person, but the stress and challenges have brought out a whole new side of me. A side I don’t particularly like.

I’m ashamed to admit that this experience got the better of me. I’m not a bad person, but I know what a grouchy, road rage-y, emotional wreck I’ve been more often than not. It hasn’t been pretty. Sometimes I honestly wonder how S deals with it. I’d be done with me times a million if I were him. (Did that sentence even make sense???)

But the light at the end of the tunnel is shining so bright I can actually feel its warmth. Nevermind that it’s snowing outside, I’m basking in the glow of one last semester and a little more than 100 days to go before graduation. And in honor of this momentous occasion, I’m making one more resolution:

Get over it.

I lived by the mantra “It is what it is” during nursing school. And while that helped me accept the things I had no power to change, it also made me rather pessimistic. If this is a year of no excuses, I have to stop making excuses for my own behavior as well.

It won’t be easy. As much as I love my profession, there is a cultural tendency in nursing to behave badly (I don’t get it but it is pervasive)…

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I met with my advisor this morning. I haven’t really gotten to know her up to this point (we changed advisors when we started our MSN coursework), but we were discussing the difficulties my cohort has had. And she reminded me of something I had previously tried to live by: You can only control your own behavior.

Touché, Professor.

So I pledge to get over it this year. I pledge to remember that many things may be out of my control. But my own response to these things is within my control. And I need to stop self-destructing and start being thankful.

I can’t promise perfection. But I can promise to try harder. 🙂

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