Change(?) Of Heart

In my typically obsessive brain, I’ve been mulling over this capstone issue for days now. I know it’s not the end-all, be-all of my future in nursing, but I really want to look at my options and my experiences realistically, and choose the area I really want (rather than the area I think I want or that I want to want). Does that make any sense?

One of the things I’m realizing about my peds rotation is that I am having so much fun! But I’m having fun holding babies and cuddling little ones. I’m NOT having fun doing the “nursey” stuff when it comes to kids…physical assessments are harder, you can’t really have stimulating conversations with a 9-day old, and med administration terrifies me because they’re so small and vulnerable. So it makes me wonder, do I love my rotation because I love kids or because I love NURSING kids? The two don’t always go hand-in-hand, and at this point I’m beginning to doubt myself.

One of my rotation buddies was telling me that our clinical instructor could tell my friend was a pediatric nurse at heart because the interventions she listed on her care plan were so kid-focused. She came up with ideas that would never have occurred to me. Not that this makes me bad at peds nursing, but maybe my brain isn’t wired that way. The realities of peds nursing are such that I wonder whether I could do it 36 hours a week…

Which is a scary feeling, because peds nursing is where I ALWAYS pictured myself. It’s a little disconcerting to start questioning something you were so sure about. But as a friend pointed out today, at least I’m realizing it now rather than once I’m actually working and have signed a contract.

One thing I do know is that oncology is where I want to start. Whether that’s with the kiddos or the grown-ups is what remains to be seen. I had an amazing time shadowing on the Onc floor during my Med/Surg rotation last spring, and after my own personal experiences, I know what an extraordinary difference oncology nurses can make to their patients (and have heard the same thing from others who’ve battled the beast). So perhaps I’ll start there, and stay open to working with cancer patients of ALL ages at one point or another.

Oh, Nurse Teeny. Give the turning wheels a break for once!!!

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