The Bloom Is Off

Okay, maybe not quite off. Maybe wilted a little. 😉

36 hours ago I was going to title this post “The Honeymoon Is Over.” But then I had a victorious shift last night, during which I successfully handled three patients (two of whom were incontinent and VERY busy). My preceptor helped me with a couple small bits of paperwork, but for the most part, I did it! I was exhausted and looked like a wreck by 0730, but my charts were complete and lined up neat and tidy and ready for report when the next shift arrived. Then a patient’s pump started beeping lol.

In general I think I’m just going through a period of the “blahs”. The excited “Oh gee, I’m a nurse now!” feeling is slowly being replaced by the realization that as much as I love what I do, there are going to be ups and downs, and some of them are going to be significant. Even during my good shift last night, I had some icky moments. But a lovely community has emerged on this blog and is reminding me not to sweat it too much.

For my stats research project, one of the articles I read discusses the progression new nurses go through from “doing” to “thinking” to “being”. At the beginning, you’re so focused on just getting all your tasks done that the big picture stuff is really hard to wrap your head around. Then as you get more comfortable with the technical skills and get better at time management, you can hone your critical thinking skills. Then one day you realize that you are just “being” a nurse.

Well I’m definitely still in the “doing” stage and I think I’m being overly hard on myself because I want to be further along. My preceptor last night reminded me that I only started in April! Typical Nurse Teeny. 🙂

An additional source of frustration has been knowing that Critical Care is not where my heart lies. I am enjoying the challenges and I know that my skills will be really honed here. I just know where I belong and I’m antsy to get there. I also worry that I am using this residency to get my foot in the door, knowing full well that I have little intention of staying past my mandatory year. My unit educator remarked that a lot of folks are leaving the department right now and just barely made it past their year mark, and that clearly stressed/annoyed her. I know what an investment the units make in their residency programs here, especially in critical care.

Then again, I also know what the economic picture is for new grad nurses and I know that I had to take the opportunity that presented itself. I’ll fulfill my commitment with gratitude!

Just get me to an oncology floor after that, if you please. 🙂

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